ok well the cONvo last night totaLLy fliPPed.. it went froM i dont know how i feel about u to weLL why dont u want to marry me.. I have never been sO confused..Ever.. I always joke with him and say i wouLd never marry hIm.. apparently he didnt think i was joking and weLL i saw it as weLL if i didnt want to get married to hiM then we should just breaK Up now before we get tOO into each other.. Lamest thiNG ever. I dont get guys i never ever wILL!! he is oFF today.. i cant wait for him to see all the haPPy mSGS i left for him on mYspace.. Oh weLL. Cluless and cOMMitted!
How are aLL my chickies?? havent talkted to ya"ll in a while just making sure u guys are stiLL a liVe.. **Shouts "MArcO" onLine!

Focus on relationships that provide you with a satisfying intellectual connection.You may not want anyone to know how you feel, but it won't be easy to restrain yourself. If you can manage to keep quiet until you're with that one special person, however, that will be a major accomplishment

cAnt understand what is going on lately. the weather is perfect! unfortunately there was a horrific tornadO south of us.. we just thought it was a kiK ass storm!
Im still tripping over mistakes and reoccuring issues in my mind. Jason got his new car and he is uP here permanately. this weekend was better. No fights. I did want to kik him sO hard thO!! stiLL have not brought UP the issue.. not sure how tOO! This weekend adam and clay cam over and we watched Harold and kuMAr and drank every time they said White Castle and anything to do with the GAnJ! yeh that was short-lived! but fUN. then jas woke me Up with donUts and a sectional sofa.. yeh i was just as confused. he said he got it for free. i was waitng for a rabid raccoon to jump out of it!

Constantly surrounded by the smoke that crowds and surrounds my sense of reality. I leave all the canvases and books blank. I wait to fill them with all of the emotion i have absorbed From you, my muse that poisons my mind. you are the drug that consumes me everyday. Leaving me breathless and cold still wanting u to engulf me again. In toxicated and blinded by you. This is no ordinary love.

Thank the heavens it is fINALLY friday!!! Jason got his car today wOOhOO! so he will be up in indy from now oN! woo hOO. still havent confronted him about the whole pedophile issue.. sigh! oh a good news my phone has been resurrected! (angelic music) so gimme a call sumtime my hOMies! miss and love u aLL!

whats UP PPL?! nothing much has changed .. guys still suck. and i cant wait for tomorrow. work is rilly slow today.. arG.. we have a meeting after worK until six. then i think i am craSHing. still waiting for jason to wake the f@#*! uP yo! tiff its was good talking to u under the principles. Tell matt im sorry. Give him my respects! i just want today to end

GoOd day everyone! i havent been in touch with my peeps in a LOoooooOOoooong time! so here is the update. I moved up to indianapolis, started a new job finally got all our junk in the house and starting this new experiance bymyself. First of all its hard! Jason is still in Liberty. It is rilly hard. i hate it sO much. im in this city bymySELF andi hardly ever talk to him. and when we do talk he is sO mean and cold hearted! i would love to confront him about how i feel. ok and for all my girlies on the east coast. do me a favor. tiffany u definately remember who i am talking about. ok ericka is this chick who is stiLL talking to jason. i hate he only for that reason. i dont understand why he insists on talking to her behind my back. it seems like very chance he gets he is on the phone with her. i feel like i am going to puke! i dont have a back uP plan i dont HAve any one on the side. weLL this is your mission if u choose to accept it. She works at hOOters (rill classy i know) on the weekends.. she has a n orange mazda 6. See what is her deaL!! i called her two weeks ago because i couldnt stand it anymore. i tried to be the understanding girlfriend but i cant any more. she said its not anything she doesnt like him balh blah blah.. i dont know what to do any more. help me my fellow chicas!!!!

This is a test post from Photobucket.com

In your eyes, people can't seem to see anything
because your eyes are covered up by tears! You
are constantly hurt and depressed... No one
seems to understand how you feel because
everyone is scared to get close to you... You
long to be able to reach out and tell someone
everything, and all of your problems... But you
have no one to tell, or they just don't seem to
want to hear what you have to say. You've been
hurt many times that you don't seem to have any
tears left to shed, or if you do, they're an
endless river flowing... You've started to hide
and bottle up all or your problems and
feelings, hoping that maybe they just will go
away... You want company, but at the same time,
you're scared of it. Your sanctuary is your
room where you can just be alone and try to
throw away all of your aching pains. You're
dark and mysterious and people like you for
that reason. Even if you think you're all by
yourself in the dark, someone is always there
with you. Your special someone wants to admit
and show their feelings towards you, but
they're afraid of how you'll take it. Get out
more and enjoy life because, it is far too long
to frown your way through :)


What Lies Behind Your Eyes?
brought to you by Quizilla

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up...

Slower slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

haPPy cincO de MayO all my crazY drunks!! drink one tequilA for mE!!

im coming home for memorial day!! me and jas are heading out therre! i cant waIT!! **dances and skips and whistles and flips**

001. *I miss someone right now.
002. I watched more TV this year than last year.
003. I love olives.
004. *I love sleeping.
005. I own a home.
006. *I wear glasses or contact lenses.
007. *I love to play video games.
008. *I have done something illegal.
009. *I have watched porn movies.
010. *I have been in a threesome.
011. I have been the "psycho ex" in a past relationship.
012. *I like my handwriting.
013. I have acne-free skin.
014. *I curse frequently.
015. *I have changed a lot over the past year.
016. *I have a hobby.
017. *I have been to another country.
018. I carry a weapon with me everywhere I go.
019. *I have been told that I am very smart.
020. *I have broken a bone.
021. **I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
022. *I love rain.
023. **I can be paranoid at times.
024. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
025. *I need money right now.
026. *I have tried sushi.
027. I have been to Las Vegas.
028. *I have at least one brother and/or sister.
029. I was born in a country other than the USA.
030. *I shave my legs.
031. I have a twin.
032. I have Caller I.D. on my phone.
033. *I am good at styling other people's hair.
034. I am usually pessimistic.
035. *I have mood swings.
036. I think prostitution should be legalized.
037. *I think Britney Spears is pretty.
038. *I have cheated on a significant other.
039. *I have a hidden talent.
040. I have been sexually intimate with more than ten people.
041. I am currently single.
042. *I have kissed someone of the same sex.
043. I enjoy talking on the phone.
044. **I love to shop.
045. I would classify myself as "ghetto".
046. I am obsessed with my LJ.
047. ***I don't hate anyone.
048. *I am a good dancer.
049. I am embarrassed to be seen with my mother or father.
050. *I have a cell phone.
051. I watch MTV on a daily basis.
052. *I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
053. *I have been in a real relationship.
054. *I have rejected someone before.
055. *I currently have a crush on someone.
056. *****I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
057. *I want to have children in the future.
058. *I have changed a diaper.
059. I have had the cops called on me.
060. I bite my nails.
061. I am fatally allergic to something.
062. *I have a lot to learn.
063. I have dated someone 10 years (or more) older or younger than me.
064. I am very shy around the opposite sex.
065. I am online 24/7
066. *I have been rejected by someone.
067. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past.
068. I have avoided work to play with my blog.
069. I, as a child, learned "the difference between boys and girls" with a neighbor or friend.
070. *I enjoy country music.
071. *I love my friends.
072. I think that Pizza Hut makes the best pizza.
073. *I watch soap operas on a regular basis. days!
074. I am a perfectionist.
075. I love Michael Jackson - scandals and all.
076. *I have watched the television show "Spongebob Squarepants"
078. I am content as of this moment.
079. I have gone scuba diving.
080. I have had a crush on somebody I have never met.
081. *I have kissed someone I knew I shouldn't.
082. *I play a musical instrument.
083. ***I strongly dislike math.
084. I am procrastinating by filling out this list.
085. *I own and use a library card.
086. I have been to Europe.
087. *I have seen "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy.
088. I have seen the television show "The O.C."
089. **I am resentful that I have to grow up.
090. *I like eating Ramen noodles.
091. *I think the world would be a better place if people just smiled more often.
092. *I am currently suffering of a broken heart.
093. *I consider myself to be a "nerd".
094. I am left handed.
095. **I have had sex with someone I was not in a relationship with.hmm for like a yEAR!!
096. *I enjoy smoothies.
097. *I have had major surgery.
098. *I have a pet.
099. *I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor.
100. **I own 100 CDs or more.
101. I am currently in my pajamas.
102. **I have a tendency to fall for the "wrong" girl/guy.
103. *I will try anything once.
104. *I have tried a drug that is illegal.
105. **I am a cuddler.
106. I have one or more body parts that are asymmetrical.
107. I am a Republican.
108. *I am Catholic.
109. I am a college student.
110. *I like to cook.
111. I like to vacuum.
112. I collect picture frames.
113. *I get along with my parents.
114. *I like Shakespeare.
115. **I like to sing. But I can't.
116. I practice a religion that is not considered "mainstream".
117. *I have counted down the days until the summer. doing it now
118. *I have fulfilled someone's dare at a party or gathering.
119. I am, or was, pigeon-toed.
120. I have been to an anime convention.
121. *I have a hard time paying attention at school.
122. *I have a car.
123. I am an only child.
124. *I work at a job that I enjoy.
125. *I sleep a lot during the day.
126. *I like the taste of blood.
127. *I have swam in the ocean.
128. *I know how to shoot a gun.
129. I like being the center of attention.
130. I am currently pregnant.
131. *I have watched "Sex and the City".
132. I am married.
133. *I want to get married. someday
134. I have all my grandparents
135. I am a huge fan of lists.
136. *I have had my hair cut within the last week.
137. I enjoy jazz music.
138. I am a "morning person".
139. **I currently regret something that I have done.
140. *I have written a story outside of school.
144. *I love Rammstein.
145. cKy is the best band ever.
146. *I admire Marilyn Manson as a photographic/cinematographic artist.
147. *I love classical music.
148. **I think pot should be legalized.
149. I must have ice in my water in order to drink it.
150. I have boxers with sunglasses-wearing ducks.
151. I can pick things up with my toes.
152. *I think Frank Sinatra is fantastic.
153. It is a triumph in my life to be healthy for a month.
154. I am currently not wearing shoes.
155. I am an uncle/aunt to more than one person.
156. I have unusually large/small feet.just ugly.
157. Have read one or more Star Wars books.
158. *I've gone skinny dipping by myself/with other people around at least once.
159. I have gotten in trouble for doing things with neo glow worm candies during truth or dare.
160. **At this moment in time, I need to pee.
161. I don't get hangovers.
162. *I'm listening to music.
163. *I have 1 or more tattoos
164. I <3 pork.
165. I once fell off of a mountain.
166. I have a huge thing for someone on my friends list I've never met in person.
167. I spend way too much time on the computer.
168. **I need to do laundry.
169. I've testified in court, under oath.
170. I am currently unemployed.
171. *I'm almost always cold..
172. *I like to make other ppl happy before me.

I cAnt breaTHE!!!!!!!!!!! i have nO voice whatsO ever... well it sound like a fROG mixed with a squeeky dogg toy! (SIGHS) i got new shOES!!! dances around the hoteL!! me and jason went to cincinnati yesterday. it was alOt of fUn. but i was to sick to enjoy it. and tonight i think we are going to a movie or bowling... wOrd. well the new news about me coming home is thaht ill be coming home on memorial day weekend or something.
im working today with this girl ive never met before.. she is rilly quiet and kinda looks like eleanor.. weird... well some one gimme a caLL. i miss ya'll sO much!!!

i didnt know mitch died??!! welcome to the looP that clare is out of. i have been sick for the past eVer. i had a bad fever last night and a horrendous cOUgh.in indian he time doesnt change but in ohio (were i work) it does sO ihave to get up at lke 430am every morning....grrr.. clare likes sleep. im inserting a peom that chris wrote me..

The light in my darkness
The warmth in my cold
It is you...
It is you I desire to hold
So close
So right
It is with you...
It is with you I take flight
Countless deep red sunsets
Autumn fields full of daffodils
Infinite star lit skies, gazes
Silver moon lit beaches, eternal
Intertwining bliss
A trance of pure ecstasy
Only you...
It is only you...
That completes me -Chris Ryan Cavalieri

isnt that beautiful??

mmmMMMm.. breakfast..i like working here! its alot of fUn. i did aLL my reports and arrivals.. SO now i just blankly look at he screen until 3.nO complants here... jason told me to cHoose between him and chris and chris told me to choose between him and jason. sO i pick neither. i cant force a feeling. and instead of hurting one of them, id rather just be like peace hOmies. i love them both dearly, sO this is extremely hard for me. both of them have cried when i told them i needed time. and not one of them wanted to grant me that, so honestly i dont need sumone to be happy. im past that point in my life. sO whats meant to be wiLL be. im getting sleePy.
***tif and lisa i hope u aLL feel better sOOn. enjoy spring break u crazy 21 year olds!!***

so what do u do when your heart and brain arent agreeing? stephen if u are reading this.. come take me away. i need a herO!!

PAST.
-first grade teacher's name: Mrs. orehlin
-last word you said: close
-last song you sang: rednecK woman
-last thing you laughed at: jason's "bat boy" impression
-last time you cried: 2hrs ago...
-what time did you wake up today: like 12


FUTURE.
-where are you going to live: hmmm i dunno
-how many kids do you want: 2
-what kind of car will you drive: my sUUUUped out sciOn!!

CURRENT.
-current hair: dark brown and past my shoulders
-current clothes: long jean skirt and a pink and black top
-current jewelry: none..
-current annoyance: gas prices
-current smell: lavendar..
-current longing: to be tangled up in a hot intertwing mass of pure extasy..
-current desktop picture: a hand with a rose
-current favorite music artist: garbage
-current book: stop pretending
-current worry: i want to gO home
-current hate: migraineS
-current career now: massage therapist
-story behind your username: kurare in japanese means "clare" it is also known as the poison that can make any on seem dead.. like in romeo and juliet.. and the baby fell in bcuz steve used to call me clare baby current favorite article of clothing: my pin stripe pants and ribbon belt


FASHION.
-how many coats and jackets do you own: oh sweet jesus.. like 20
-do you wear a watch: nOpe
-favorite pants color: jeans
-most expensive items of clothing: hmm.. right now.. prolly my shirt


.YOUR FRIENDS.
-do your friends know you: yeH...
-what do they tend to be like: funny as hell
-can you count on them: yeh
-can they count on you: yeh


LAST.
-last book you read: training book for work
-last movie you saw on the big screen: meet the fockers
-last show you watched on tv: the sheild
-last thing you had to drink: milk
-last thing you ate: lasgna
-last time you showered: this morning
-last time you smiled: still smiling.. its the meds...
-last person you hugged: chris
-last person you talked to online: Tiff
-last person you talked to on the phone: mOmmy

DO YOU/HAVE YOU.
-smoke: nope
-do drugs: i did
-drink: sumtimes
-sleep with stuffed animals: just one
-have a dream that keeps coming back: mm-hmm
-play an instrument: trumpet
-believe there is life on other planets: maybe not our solar system, but yes
-read the newspaper: yup
-have any gay or lesbian friends: yeP
-believe in miracles: absolutely
-consider yourself tolerant: depends on the matter at hand
-consider police a friend or foe: they do their jobs....
-like the taste of alcohol: rubbing alcohol..ew
-have a favorite stooge: moe
-believe in astrology: yeP
-believe in magic: it'd be neat, but no
-believe in God: I believe in a higher power that I call God for lack of a better word
-pray: yesh
-go to church: no
-have any pets: a fish.. pusttulio
-go or plan to attend college: still planning on it
-talk to strangers: sometimes
-have any piercings: ears..
-have any tattoos: 2
-hate yourself: nOpe
-like your handwriting: yeP
-believe in witches: yesh
-believe in ghosts: yes
-belive in santa: yesh
-believe in the easter bunny: No
-believe in the tooth fairy: No
-have a second family: nOpe
-trust others easily: and clares down fall



-line from the last thing you wrote to someone:happy easter
-i am happiest when: im with my freinds.. in rehoboth.. shopping..
-i feel lonely when: i sleep
-favorite authors: emily
-do you think too much: yeh
-if you could live anywhere in the world, where: a big old victorian house down the street
-what's in your cd player: mixed mp3s
-what color socks are you wearing: flip flops
-what's under your bed: i dont have an "under my bed"
-famous person you have met: ?
-do you have any regrets: everyone does
-sex or love: love
-favorite coffee: hmmm..americana
-favorite smell: suntan lotion
-what makes you mad: dumb bitches
-favorite way to waste time: sleepin
-what is your best quality: compassion
-are in currently in love/lust: yeP
-what's the craziest thing you have ever done: defin crazy..
-any bad habits: alphabetical??
-do you find it hard to trust people: yes
-bath or shower: bath
-favorite season:autumn
-favorite color: red
-favorite time of day: night
-gold or silver: silver
-any secret crushes: nOpe its pretty much world wid known..

gooood evenings... clares life is being dUmb. guess who fInaLLy fessed up his feelngs for me... yeh u guessed right. its a little bad timing i would say. he is moving out the first, and he wants me to go with him. im tyring to do what I WANNA DO without making those i care about get upset. its a losing battle.